Yesterday I took my brother to the cinema and caught RUSH.
Plot Summary
Ever heard of James Hunt or Niki Lauda? Me neither. But they duke it out on the track during the time when the sex was safe and the racing was dangerous.
I took a girl out on a date once. Long time ago and I'm not sure if it was even a date, but I picked her up in my crap box and took her to the cinema. Now I've said many times that I drive like the back of my car is on fire. Give me ten minutes in any car and I'll have it on a string. In fact until recently, I would make routine visits to my girlfriends house driving only with my knees. That's right, I'm a prick. But I also drive with a sense of arrival, never sit at a traffic light not knowing it's gone green, never sit in the middle lane doing 70, you get the picture. Anyway there is a scene in this film where Niki Lauda gets in a car and this model tells him to go faster. He refuses but eventually caves and tears up the country side much to the amazement of his now aroused female passenger.
BULLSHIT I say.
When I took that girl out to the cinema all them years ago she called me a maniac for the way I drove and didn't even let me take her home afterwards. I get the fact that women like their men to live on the edge, it sounds sexy. But they don't want to be riding shotgun to any guy with a death-wish.
Apart from that it was probably the best film I've ever seen, I just wish the central characters could have had a pointless wheelchair race like Rowdy Burns and Cole Trickle did in Days of Thunder.
I have included the clip, it even has chase music.
Tomato meter - 97% critics
Tomato meter - 93% audience
Peter meter - 89%
The day before I stayed around my friend Brendan's house, watched some boxing and caught I Am Legend on the tele.
Plot Summary
Will Smith ties his Alsatian to a treadmill to fight pikey vampire dogs.
It obviously shits all over The Omega Man which was the original with Charlton 'It's a madhouse' Heston, but not as good as the book I Am Legend, the 1954 science fiction classic by Richard Matheson. (According to my friend Brendan that is, I haven't read it).
You have to suspend disbelief in this film.
You have to believe that a scientist has the DIY skills to install heavy duty pull-down shutters on every window in his house, that he can booby trap the perimeter with explosives, and that he looks like Will Smith.
That aside I did believe that after 1000 days with no human interaction, he lets one woman into his gaff and 10 hours later the fucking thing gets flat lined.
I have included a clip of Will Smith chatting up a mannequin, which is the exact way I approach my women at bars.
Tomato meter - 70% critics
Tomato meter - 69% audience
Peter meter - 75%
Verdict
I was invited to a poetry reading on a boat this week just gone. I arrived, rocked up to the bar, and spotted a discarded train ticket lying by the Guinness pump. I plucked it from the small pool of ale it was floating in, and asked the barmaid
'Are you ... ' and pointed at the 'SINGLE' as written at the bottom of the ticket. 'No,' she shot back, plucking the ticket from my grasp and swiftly binning it. Admittedly it was a weak opener, but listen up women, extra kudos should be given to guys like me who can improvise with their surroundings. I delivered a line that was exceptionally unique. I was like Jason Bourne taking down bad guys with a rolled up magazine, that's how quick and ballsy that move was.
So now I'm single come WATCH me crash and burn at poetry readings on boats and NOT Rush OR I am Legend.
No comments:
Post a Comment