Thursday 28 March 2013

The Proposal v Extremely Loud and Incredibly close

Haven't made it to the cinema this week but thought I'd give a timely review of Extremely loud and Incredibly close.

PLOT 

Annoying kid drags a man that refuses to talk across the streets of New York to find a lock that fits a key that was left by Tom Hanks (sigh).

I sat through this a couple of weeks ago with the mother of all hangovers.
Now a couple of things about this movie. It has a kid that has some kind of syndrome that makes him hyper vigilant and super annoying. Most child actors can't help being super annoying, it's just in their DNA. So to give him 'annoying shit' syndrome on top, is really the recipe for a shit sandwich without the bread (Thankyou marine guy from Red Dawn).
Secondly I think I missed a meeting where it was decided that Tom Hanks is now hot and anyone now cast opposite him as a love interest must be wildly attractive. There was Julia Roberts in Larry Crowne, Halle Berry in Cloud Atlas (true true) and now Sandra Bullock in this. The guy is 57, and as Marsellous Wallace would say, 'his ass ain't aging like wine'.
But eventually the film won me over and I cried heavy manly tears into my kettle chips.

Tomato meter - 47% (critics)
Tomato meter - 62% (audience)
Peter Meter - 74%

As I was incredibly moved by Bullocks performance in that film, I caught The Proposal on the iPlayer Sunday night.

PLOT

Sandra Bullock plays a publisher that has to marry her PA, charisma vacuum Ryan Reynolds, to avoid deportation.

This film is BULLOCKS. Thankyou.
I was expecting maybe a few pithy laughs or some cutesy distraction from Bullock but there is nothing to see here. Move along people, nothing to see here.
I had a quick look on IMDB to see if there has been a Ryan Reynolds film that I liked and found just one. Adventureland.
What is strange is that he has a lot of range in terms of film genres. He does horrible rom-coms, horrible action fantasy, and horrible suspense thrillers. Now rumoured to be cast as Connor McLoud of the Clan McLoud in the new Highlander.
This is very depressing.

Tomato meter - 43% (critics)
Tomato meter - 74% (audience)
Peter meter - 23%

QUICK PLUG 

So tomorrow I'll be trekking down to see Missing Andy play at the KOKO in Camden. I highly recommend everyone does the same. Two coaches will be leaving Braintree to attend the gig, so look out Camden, the Essex are coming.
I am also going to be playing down the Bull in Braintree on Sunday as part of my buddies birthday party so come along to that if you're local.

FINALLY

A good work buddy accosted me today and asked me to recommend some DVD viewing over the Easter break. I had a quick moments reflection and thought, The Raid. I saw Argo as well the other day, winner of best movie at the Oscars recently. The Raid kicks Argo's ass. Let's not forget that Driving Miss Daisy also won best picture 1989, it's not always a good barometer to go by.

The Raid is incredible and perhaps the most enjoyable experience I had at the cinema last year. So go watch The Raid and NOT Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close OR The Proposal.


@thepeterbrooker




Tuesday 19 March 2013

Red Dawn v Taken 2

Last friday I went to the Odeon Cinema in Chelmsford to see Red Dawn.



MOVIE INFO

In Red Dawn, a city in Washington state awakens to the surreal sight of foreign paratroopers dropping from the sky - shockingly, the U.S. has been invaded and their hometown is the initial target. Quickly and without warning, the citizens find themselves prisoners and their town under enemy occupation. Determined to fight back, a group of young patriots seek refuge in the surrounding woods, training and reorganizing themselves into a guerrilla group of fighters. Taking inspiration from their high school mascot, they call themselves the Wolverines, banding together to protect one another, liberate their town from its captors, and take back their freedom.


A couple of weeks previous I had met a girl on the Dance-floor in a club in Chelmsford. I danced with her badly and slipped her my number on a shopping list I found on the floor before leaving. To my extreme and pleasant surprise she text me the next day and we agreed to hook up. I picked her up in my shitty Audi that I told her was just a courtesy car. (Beth, if by some miracle you are reading this, that was a lie, it was my car and I apologize for everything). We had a pleasant meal at a Thai restaurant in town where I doubled down on some garlic shrimp. Beth had a dish called 'Morning Glory' and I spent the rest of the meal wondering if she was sending subliminal sexual messages. After the feast we caught the late showing of Red Dawn.

The first 15 minutes are pretty solid and my initial thoughts were that this film is just a good old fashioned popcorn fodder flick.
But then it soon descended into chaos and the BULLSHIT alarm went off like a fog horn. Chris Hemsworth starts to train his little band of misfits out in the woods and in a montage lasting about 30 seconds, they morph from scared little college football kids, to bad ass green berets. They practice their weapon training out in the woods, shooting off endless rounds with semi automatics and all the time I'm thinking, hey, shouldn't you be in hiding? Whilst you're at it, why not host an illegal rave and shoot off some flares!

The saving grace for this film was one marine who pops up near the end and reels off all the best lines like; 'That idea is like a shit sandwich without the bread'.

The film itself was shelved for 2 years whilst MGM encountered financial difficulties. In the movie trade this is code for 'we don't want to be seen peddling this shit, can someone else take it off our hands please?'
Film District did pick up the distribution rights and it proved to be an international flop. This despite them changing the original bad guys from Chinese to North Korean so they could maintain an appeal to the lucrative Chinese box office. All this was done in post production and a further million was reportedly spent on digitalizing out flags and symbols.

Good job ass-wipes.

Tomato Meter - 13% (critics)
Tomato Meter - 56% (audience)
Peter Meter - 33%

Over the weekend I had a blow out. After not consuming a drop of alcohol for 75 days (thanks, don't call me a hero) I staged a marathon drinking session that left me a shuddering wreck for the next 2 days. I limped down to Blockbusters, desperately avoiding eye contact with the assistant and rented 4 DVDs, one of them being Taken 2.


MOVIE INFO

Liam Neeson returns as Bryan Mills, the retired CIA agent with a "particular set of skills" who stopped at nothing to save his daughter Kim from kidnappers. When the father of one of the villains Bryan killed swears revenge, and takes Bryan and his wife hostage in Istanbul, Bryan enlists Kim to help them escape. Bryan then employs his unique tactics to get his family to safety and systematically take out the kidnappers, one by one. 


I knew the complete disregard for plot and character development would fit the mould for my hangover perfectly. Generally when people tell they liked a film because it allowed them to 'turn their brain off', I instantly judge them, more so their lack of intellect. Especially if I know all they've done all day is flip burgers or beat off to internet porn. Really how many calories are you burning that you need to deactivate your brain when in a movie theatre?
But I had an excuse, I had a hangover. I felt like Taken 2 could be just the tonic with enough mindless action served with the caveat of a super inconceivable story arc to help me through the pain.
It did the trick. The story was so incredulous and even though every scene sounded off a bullshit alarm, I simply didn't care. I was like a retired old man, sitting on a park bench allowing a strangers dog to piss merrily up my leg because I hadn't the energy or will to kick it away.
Infact dare I say, I may have actually enjoyed it.

Tomato Meter - 21% (critics)
Tomato Meter - 55% (audience)
Peter Meter - 60%

A quick plug for my buddies Rob Jones & Alex Greaves whom are playing an acoustic set down the Star & Garter in Chelmsford this Friday night. I will be in attendance and I will be wearing my new Bolongoro Trevor jacket that is made from lambs leather and is worth more than my entire wardrobe combined. And probably yours.
I bought it from Spital Fields market in London and I said to the gay dude behind the desk that I want
'The Punisher'.
"What's that?" He asked.
"An item of clothing I know I'm going to get laid wearing". I quipped.
He handed me the most expensive jacket in the shop. I slid it on and it felt like I was putting on a super hero costume. The heavens parted and a Hans Zimmer choral choir kicked in.

"I'd fuck you in that". Said the gay assistant.
"Who wouldn't?" Said his gay manager stood behind him.
I took it and ran, or rather flew into the night.

So this friday come down and watch ME wearing 'The Punisher', and NOT Red Dawn, OR Taken 2.

@thepeterbrooker







Friday 8 March 2013

Arbitrage v Side Effects

Last Sunday I took my buddy Neil to see Arbitrage at the local Cineworld.


MOVIE INFO

When we first meet New York hedge-fund magnate Robert Miller (Richard Gere) on the eve of his 60th birthday, he appears the very portrait of success in American business and family life. But behind the gilded walls of his mansion, Miller is in over his head, desperately trying to complete the sale of his trading empire to a major bank before the depths of his fraud are revealed. Struggling to conceal his duplicity from loyal wife Ellen (Susan Sarandon) and brilliant daughter and heir-apparent Brooke (Brit Marling), Miller's also balancing an affair with French art-dealer Julie Cote (Laetetia Casta). Just as he's about to unload his troubled empire, an unexpected bloody error forces him to juggle family, business, and crime with the aid of Jimmy Grant (Nate Parker), a face from Miller's past. 


First thing, I've discovered that it can look incredibly homosexual for men to argue about what type of popcorn they'll be sharing when at the kiosk, then to compare calories between Minstrels and Maltesers, then to top it all off, whether the high level of saccharin in Coke Zero is actually more damaging than the actual sugar in regular Coke. I'm surprised after the lengthy metrosexual debate that Neil and I had on said issues, they didn't have an usher monitor us during the screening just to ensure we weren't going to chug each other off in the back row.

I digress.
So Richard Gere is a guy that has been acting for over 40 years but never once been nominated for an oscar. Why? Same reason they don't give Tom Cruise an oscar. He's not a character actor, he's a brand. And like any brand, you are either signed up to the product, or you simply don't use it. I happen to be a fan of Richard Gere films because my mum is in love with the man. Her favourite Gere film is not Pretty Woman, or Officer and a Gentleman, but Breathless. It's also Tarantino's favourite too. He says about the film,

"Here's a movie that indulges completely all my obsessions - comic books, rockabilly music and movies." 

My mum likes it because he gets his dong out in a shower scene for all of 2 seconds.

But before you all start feeling sorry for Gere for never being nominated for an oscar, remember he banged one of the hottest girls on the planet (Cindy Crawford) for 4 years. He is no stranger to excess as well spanking £20,000 on an advert in the Times saying that his marriage to Crawford was 'Not on the rocks'. They divorced 6 months later. For me that's better than the hamster up the arse story which I won't bring up, it happens to the best of us. He is also married to a Bond girl now so I think you can call that a life don't you?

Oh and Tim Roth is in this, and has anyone noticed that Tim Roth can't sit on a chair? He adopts a permanent slouch in every scene where he sits now, its quite interesting.
Actually, not that interesting.

Tomato Meter - 87% critics
Tomato Meter - 65% audience
Peter Meter - 78%

So this weekend I went to the local Cineworld to watch Side Effects.


MOVIE INFO

SIDE EFFECTS is a provocative thriller about Emily and Martin (Rooney Mara and Channing Tatum), a successful New York couple whose world unravels when a new drug prescribed by Emily's psychiatrist (Jude Law) - intended to treat anxiety - has unexpected side effects. 


I couldn't find any company so did a solo run. Went for a 50/50 sweet, salt split on the popcorn. Apparently Soderbergh penultimate film. His last being a film about my hero Liberace called 'Behind the Candelabra'. With Michael Douglas as Liberace and Matt Damon as his gay lover. And the wonderful fact that I love telling everyone about Liberace is that he got his much younger lover to have plastic surgery to look more like himself. So effectively, he could fuck himself. Is there no better form of narcissism? 

Anyway can't wait for that, will probably have a hard time convincing anyone I know to watch it with me but never mind.
So the first thing to say about Side Effects is that there is a stabbing scene that is quite brutal. It is one of the only times I have heard audible gasps from an audience and I'm not giving anything away here, it's in the plot synopsis. The tempo of the film is good, the subject matter of whether people have a divine right to happiness by simply taking a pill is a good one. The overall message of whether we are all guinea pigs in this generation of consuming prescription drugs, strikes home. And there's a good fuck scene, so ticked a few boxes for me.

Tomato Meter - 85% critics
Tomato Meter - 76% audience
Peter Meter - 74%

This week I also got to see the 1973 directors cut of The Wicker Man. Remember Edward Woodward from The Equalizer? He was like a retired Bond who hung around in the shadows of the New York subway waiting for shit to go down. Well he's in this. Oh and talking of Bond, if you ever wondered what 'Goodnight' from The Man the Golden Gun looked like in the buff, then this is the film for you. Incidently no place for The Wicker Man in the Barry Norman top 50 british films, but Shakespeare in Love made it in. 
Come on Norman, no wonder you're not on the tele no more.
Anyway Edward Woodward is good in this but even better in The Equalizer. Watch the opening credit sequence of The Equalizer in this link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uB1NiNKwueE and NOT Arbitrage OR Side Effects.

@thepeterbrooker






Saturday 2 March 2013

Broken City v Badlands

Last Monday my buddy Rico got some screening tickets to see Broken City at our local Cineworld.


MOVIE INFO

In a broken city rife with injustice, ex-cop Billy Taggart (Mark Wahlberg) seeks redemption and revenge after being double-crossed and then framed by its most powerful figure, the mayor (Russell Crowe). Billy's relentless pursuit of justice, matched only by his streetwise toughness, makes him an unstoppable force and the mayor's worst nightmare.

I've come to realise it's one step forward two steps back with Marky Mark. For every Boogie Nights theres's a Contraband or a Happening. For every Fighter there's a Max Payne or an Italian Job. I was never bored whilst watching this film but in years to come no one's going to be sitting around in a party and suggesting, 'Hey shall we put Broken City on?'
Russell Crowe sure does get about, and he's pretty good in this. The televised political debate was his outstanding moment, the best written part and the highlight of the film.

Over than that the only thing I learnt from this event was that my buddy Rico likes to order 2 dinners from Macdonalds and then debates a third after he's wolfed down both. An unbelievable display of gluttony.


Tomato Meter - 30% critics
Tomato Meter - 48% audience
Peter Meter - 62%


Last weekend I rented Badlands from the local library and watched it in stages during the week whilst eating my salmon dinners.


MOVIE INFO

"He wanted to die with me and I dreamed of being lost forever in his arms." A young couple goes on a Midwest crime spree in Terrence Malick's hypnotically assured debut feature, based on the 1950s Starkweather-Fugate murders. Fancying himself a rebel like James Dean, twentysomething Kit (Martin Sheen) takes off with teen baton-twirler Holly (Sissy Spacek) after shooting her father (Warren Oates) when he tries to split the pair up. Once bounty hunters discover their riverside hiding place, Kit and Holly head toward Saskatchewan, leaving dead bodies in their wake. As the law closes in, however, Holly gives herself up -- but Kit doesn't hold it against her, as he basks in his new status as a momentary folk hero. Inaugurating the use of voice-over narration that he would continue in Days of Heaven (1978) and The Thin Red Line (1998), Malick juxtaposes Holly's flat readings of her flowery romance-novel diary prose with the banal and surreal details of their journey. Singularly inarticulate with each other, Kit and Holly are more intrigued by mythic celebrity gestures, as Holly peruses her fan magazines and Kit commemorates key moments before orchestrating a properly dramatic capture for himself (complete with the right hat). The sublime visuals lend a dreamlike beauty to the couple's trip even as their actions are treated casually; Malick neither glamorizes Kit and Holly nor consigns them to the bloody end of their fame-fixated predecessors in Bonnie and Clyde (1967). With the couple's opaque dialogue and Holly's fanzine dream narration, Malick further denies an easy explanation for their crimes. Made for under 500,000 dollars, Badlands debuted at the 1973 New York Film Festival, along with Martin Scorsese's Mean Streets, and was released within months of two other outlaw-couple road movies, Steven Spielberg's The Sugarland Express and Robert Altman's Thieves Like Us. Although Badlands did not make an impression at the box office, its pictorial splendor and cool yet disquieting narrative established Malick as one of the most compelling artists to come out of early-'70s Hollywood


It's been one film that has escaped me over the years, and I was fuming to find that the first ten minutes were skipping due to a damaged disc. Come on Braintree Library, what am I paying my taxes for? (I'm joking. Actually when people tell me how shit Braintree is I always defend it by saying it has a fantastic library, just check out the comic book selection, it's incredible).

So this is one of Terence Malik's earlier work and I have seen and loved both Thin Red Line and Tree of Life. So this was a treat for me. First off, it should be said that so many films have riffed off the imagery and theme from Badlands. Natural born Killers owes this film a debt, as does Moonrise Kingdom which I saw recently. The term 'Badlands' literally means Bad Land. The Spanish would refer to is as Tierra Baldia meaning 'Waste land'. It adds to the destitute and hopeless of the characters, General Lord Melchett would describe it as a "baron featureless desert'.

You might be interested to know even though it says it's a work of fiction, it is loosley based on a true story of a young couple that went around killing people in 1958. AND the character that Martin Sheen played said that the girl (played by Sissy Spacek) initiated some of the killings, even though the film paints her in an almost innocent light throughout.


Tomato Meter - 98% critics
Tomato Meter - 89% audience
Peter Meter - 87%


Last night I did a DJ slot with Rob Jones down at The Loop in Chelmsford. It was an Indie night which they are doing the start of every month. Rob showed incredible verve during the set, bouncing up and down and ordering the girls on the dance floor to reveal their breasts. Fun times had by few. He also managed to fill 3 glasses with his own piss whilst maintaing complete control of the decks. We are hoping to make it a regular slot. So WATCH Rob and I DJ down The Loop in Chelmsford every month, and NOT Broken City OR Badlands.

@thepeterbrooker