Escape Plan v The Man Without a Face

Escape plan

Plot Summary

Daniel Caviezel played The Count of Monte Cristo once. Dumas's fictional character that was wrongfully imprisoned for a over decade. Well now it's his turn. He wrongfully imprisons Sly and Arnie and he loves it.

I saw Batman and Rocky 4 at this cinema.

I saw Rocky 4 at the Granada theatre in Bedford when I was 6 years old. It was one of the biggest in the country and had nearly 2000 seats. It had a stage pit where a Wurlitzer organ emerged slowly and played for 20 minutes before each feature. It was also home to concerts back in the day. My Dad said he saw Hendrix play there and told me he was shit. But this coming from a guy that thinks Cliff Richard is the best rock n roll star to have ever lived. Anyway I digress. The point is, Sly Stallone was scorched into my psyche at a very young age and I thank God that I grew up watching the best action stars that have ever been. I saw the likes of Schwarzenegger shoot a mini gun from a high rise. The kids of today have charisma vacuum The Rock and Channing Tatum who blinks when he fires a gun. On the subject of Escape Plan, I announced early in the week that I have changed amaze-balls to tits balls. And this film is the tits-balls.
Though when is Sly going to allow a little grey at the side of his temples? He must be having a grey hair stand off with McCartney. Which one is going to budge first?
By the way the Granada was flattened in 1989, it's now a car park I believe. A building that survived the war, that was gigged by Hendrix and The Beatles is now a car park. Wonderful.


Tomato Meter - 45% (critics)
Tomato Meter - 95% (audience)
Peter Meter     -  90% 


So I caught The Man Without a Face on the iPlayer earlier in the week. Which is a bit cruel, and misleading. He does have a face, and half of it ain't bad.

Plot Summary

Harvey Dent is living in exile after rumours abound that he interfered with a kid back in the day.  

Don't ever google man without a face

This film isn't that bad. A strange inquisitive boy wants to be taught Shakespeare and finds a friend in
freaky face Gibbo. It has a slice of Scissorhands in there without the charm, and when Gibbo tells his new student to dig a hole it took me right back to my 'wax on wax off daniel-son' days. Why are all teachers so intent on being mysterious and oddball? The curriculum is there for a reason you know.

Tomato Meter - 67% (critics)
Tomato Meter - 52% (audience)
Peter Meter     - 75% 



Verdict

If you love a good Stallone prison flick like I do, you could go Tango and Cash or Escape to Victory, but why don't you treat yourself to the wonderfully under-rated Lock Up. I have included the football game scene which is just nuts. Billy from Predator plays the antagonist, a real brute. And even the big fella from Batteries Not Included pops up and has a go. SO watch Lock Up and NOT Escape Plan OR The Man Without A Face.