I Love You Phillip Morris v Cemetery Junction

I Love You Phillip Morris v Cemetery Junction

So have you ever wondered what it would look like on the big screen if Ace Ventura and Rentboy ever got it on? If the answer is YES then I LOVE YOU PHILLIP MORRIS is the film for you.
Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor play a couple in this true story based on the life of a con artist/entrepreneur Steven Russell (played by Carrey) about love, life, and prison breaks.

Now I should warn you the first 20 minutes are tough going. There is a plethora of cock-suckery going on between Carrey and McGregor. Now I don't consider myself to be homophobic, but I did have to question why I was struggling internally with this.
Luckily the DVD from the library was damaged so it skipped a couple early scenes. But I was becoming more and more jarred as the relationship grew. So after 25 minutes, round about the time McGregor is seen spitting Carrey's Jizz over the side of a boat, I decided enough was enough and called time on the sorry affair.

At work the next day I ruminated for many hours on whether I had made the right call abandoning the film so early in. Surely there was more to the plot than just cock juggling. How had the film got so critically acclaimed? And had I suddenly become homophobic overnight? Maybe I've been homophobic all my life. What a quandary.

After a hard days work I went to the gym and meditated in the hot tub for twenty minutes, dissecting
every possible facet of the arguement, exploring my feelings towards my own failings on why watching  Carrey and McGregor noshing each other off was so tough for me to grasp.

I returned home and decided to watched the film to its conclusion. They say the best thing for a surfer to do after a shark attack is get back in the ocean as soon as possible. That is of course, assuming he or she has survived the attack. So there I was, trembling uncontrollably on the beach of homophobia, about to ride the potentially crippling waves of a cinematic sausage fest.

But luckily, the rest of the films was about prison breaks, and thank god. I had done it.
The prison breaks were by far the most interesting part of this tale, and I reckon the first 20 minutes of relentless blowjobs, handjobs and unpleasant innuendo was just put there to test my fortitude.

The next day I watched CEMETERY JUNCTION, a film by Gervais and Merchant set in the Seventies about a group of guys all intent on escaping their mundane world of 'Cemetery Junction'.
A couple of things to mention;
The lead guy looks like Prince Charming from Shrek, and that took me out of the movie a little bit.
Gervais is barely in it, but that doesn't matter because the film is not a laugh riot.
It is peppered evenly with some good gags, and Ralph Fiennes steals the show as a self centered business man and father to the main girl Felicity Jones, who is fucking incredible looking by the way. I mean a true vision.
Ultimately I was charmed in all the right places.

So I recommend both films for the same reasons. They both tackle the comedy and seriousness aspects of the narrative with an even touch, giving both films a lovely balance.  Not easy to do. In fact the best I have seen it done recently is in a cancer film called 50/50 with Joseph Gorden Levitt and Seth Rogan.

So watch 50/50 and not I LOVE YOU PHILLIP MORRIS or CEMETERY JUNCTION.