Everest V Legend (both with spoilers)

EVEREST

Jake Gyllenhaal goes up a mountain. It gets a bit nippy in the tent and he has to huddle up to another guy for body warmth. That ol chestnut.

I think something has to be done with trailers in cinemas. Firstly, let's do away with trailers that give away the entire fucking plot of the movie shall we. You only have to see the trailer for The Walk to see how bad it's got in terms of spoilers. Second, we should never have two trailers back to back featuring the same actor in the lead role. I saw trailers for Macbeth and Steve Jobs starring Michael Fassbender in both. Now I like Fassbender, and barring Liam Neeson he may have one of the biggest cocks in Hollywood (see Shame) but give some other actors a break eh Fass? 

Jake looking for body warmth up the mountain - again.

Ok Everest. I knew nothing about Everest or the disastrous 1996 expedition upon which this movie is centred. But this film has not only stayed with me since I saw it last week, but I've watched Youtube docs on Everest, on K2 and I'm thinking I'd like to have a crack at the title someday. Not for charity or any of that narcissistic bollocks, but because like they say in the film 'it's there'.

Of course I won't, I'll shit myself, and the only time I like to see ice is in my scotch. The best bits in this film for me is when Brolin's wife hears that her husband has magically made it back to camp after being told that he didn't make it back in the night. There's a wonderful scene where she rallies the troops and orders a rescue helicopter in and does what Peter Cook might describe as 'starts behaving like a fucking wife'. Emily Watson also brings cander to the film, and her scenes with Sam Worthington at base camp trying to talk the men down steal the movie. Everything came together for me in this film, even liking Sam Worthington.

Cook - 'Dolly, you've tested me in the past'.

Tomato Meter (Critics) -73%

Tomato Meter - (Audience) - 77%

Peter Meter -  92%

LEGEND

Tom Hardy is a tour de force in this biopic of the Kemp brothers. He plays both Gary Kemp and Martin Kemp in a film about Spandex Ballet and it's utter GOLD. It's TRUUUUE!

This has to be the most divisive film of the year amongst my friends. Some saying it is entirely pastiche and fucking unwatchable, others saying it's just fucking unwatchable. I on the other hand found this to be a compelling watch. We should start by saying that the trailer is probably one of the best put together trailers I've seen this year. (Although I'm still to watch the trailer for SPECTRE or listen to the Bond song. I have a little something called delayed gratification my friends).

Hardy - 'Like a wessssshtern'.

Pesci - 'Frankie, let him go, he's still breathing'.

This film doesn't work without Tom Hardy nailing both parts. I mean absolutely nailing it. He is incredibly watchable whilst the film at the same time is utterly disposable and somewhat forgettable. The narration let this film down, and from the very first scene I thought 'Oh fuck, I hope it's not like this all the way through'. Remember Casino, when Pesci met with his guys in a corn field and was saying 'Hey what's right is right, we couldn't go anywhere near Vegas, OWWWWW!' Halfway through his narration he gets whacked behind by one of his mates with a baseball bat. As an audience member that fucking bit blew the doors of the film, and the element of surprise, and the barbaric scene that followed of Pesci and his brother being clubbed to death by his mates before being thrown into a hole in the ground and being buried alive, is just pure cinema. I have the feeling that writer/director Brian Helgeland went for something similar here by having Emily Browning (wife to Reggie Kray) do the narration. She of course dies in the end, and I can see an American audience knowing nothing about the subject matter being quite effected by the twist. But for us British, who have seen the original, know and perhaps lived through the source material, it comes across as an idiots guide to the Krays. That said, I still enjoyed it. It's funny, savage, stylish, well-handled, and as Deniro says at the end of Casino 'And that's that.'

Tomato Meter (Critics) -59%

Tomato Meter - (Audience) - 76%

Peter Meter -  80%

VERDICT

WATCH CASINO and NOT EVEREST or LEGEND.