Birdman V Bad Boy Bubby

BIRDMAN

Summary

Michael Keaton plays Riggan, a washed up actor whose career is fighting the dying of the light. His success is attributed to a block buster franchise where he played the star 'Birdman'. Although at the time he was a controversial choice for the role as many said he had no chin.

They calling this the 'comeback of the century' in regards to Keaton's performance. How quickly they forget Spandex Ballet reunion tour in 2009. I'm always mystified by the word comeback. Unless you're attributing it to Dennis Taylor making a comeback in the 1985 Snooker final against Steve Davis, overcoming what seemed an insurmountable deficit, before winning it on a re-spotted black. Taylor went 8-0 down and the only time he went ahead in the match was on the final black, in the final frame. It pulled in over 18 million viewers, still a record for BBC 2 and a record for any channel after midnight.
So what actually are you referring to? Michael Keaton has always been a great actor, he never went anywhere. Every time Woody Allen gets more than 3 stars for a film they call it a comeback, however he writes and directs a new film every year. Some just happen to be distinctly average, but he's still producing, he's not gone anywhere.

Now it's no secret that the entire film has been filmed in a way that makes it look like it has been shot in one take. Clearly an idea lifted from The Spice Girls video for their break through number one hit, 'Wannabe.'  I have never quite figured out the message of the video. I can handle the lyrics fine, a song about girls insisting that their partners don't marginalize their friends, and that 'V don't come easy, she's a real ladeee'. But what the fuck is the video actually about? All they do is act really obnoxious in a swanky hotel whilst people are trying to have a nice quiet drink. Twats.


Okay back Birdman. Put simply, it's brilliant, and I've actually never seen anything like it. I'd say that the continuous take can be a little distracting, not because its flawed, but because its so well executed. I spent a good part of the movie trying to figure out where the cuts were and I can't imagine that was the Directors intention. The film rattles along relentlessly. The soundtrack is pure percussion, and is often as frantic as the dialogue. The director films the dialogue like the actors are trading gunfire. It actually reminded me of Michael Mann's bank robbery in Heat when the camera gets right behind the shoulder of Val Kilmer as he empties a clip on a roadblock, stops, reloads, and fires again. In Birdman the DP Emmanuel Lubezki gets right up into the actors grills and it all feels very visceral.

There are a couple of flaws I found with the film (the last five seconds were actually deeply problematic for me) but I better bring this home soon as I'm going on a bit. There are scenes where the film is clearly having digs at the mentality of people that only go to the picture house to watch blockbusters or comic book films, the strange slow-mo dance dance with a member of the cast dressed in a Spiderman costume, and the cut to scenes of Robert Downey Jr talking about the Avengers for example. It came across patronizing and a little condescending as most of the cast have cut their teeth on the very genre they seem to be mocking. Norton - Hulk, Stone - Spiderman and Keaton, Batman obviously. That aside, it handles all arguments of actors versus critics, ageism and even erectile dysfunction, really well.

Pointless Trivia

Before shooting began, the Director Alejandro González Iñárritu sent his cast a photo of Philippe Petit walking on the tightrope between the Twin Towers. He told them, "Guys, this is the movie we are doing. If we fall, we fail."

Tomato Meter -92% (critics)

Tomato Meter - 86% (audience)

Peter Meter - 88%

BAD BOY BUBBY

Summary

A man with limited intelligence becomes something of a drifter after escaping a room from which he has been imprisoned all his life. His loveable naivety leaves indelible impressions on the people he interacts with. Especially the women he stops in the street and gropes without warning or consent.

So imagine if Forrest Gump was locked in a  house and forced to shag his mum before being released into the wild. Do you think he would be talking about chocolates or playing ping pong? Or would he just be looking to shag women that looked like Sally Field? It makes you think doesn't it?

When Andy the Sandwich Man leant me Bad Boy Bubby, it was handed to me in the most auspicious of manners. Almost like I was being handed a snuff film with a wink and a nod beneath my tuna wrap to conceal the act. I watched the first 30 minutes wrapping presents before Xmas. I have to say I turned it off because well quite frankly, watching Nick Cave's stunt double getting ridden by his overweight elderly mum was putting me off my eggnog. So I shelved, with half a mind never to return.

However, I gave it a second crack. Now the film is undoubtedly a tough watch for the first 30 minutes, though the remaining two thirds grows on you, as Howard Stern would put it 'Like a fungus'.  The anti-hero Bubby, is a product of his environment, and can only speak dialogue that he himself has heard. So what you have is a simpleton who is merely a reflection on society. He portrays all of humanities imperfections, its ugliness, its innocence and its immaturity. The film is at its best when it explores these ideas, when Bubby joins a post-modern, art-pseudu punk-band and yells endless expletives down the microphone. For me where the film falls apart is that it doesn't seem to know what great idea to settle on. It meanders through many different scenarios as if the director wanted to explore every idea, not really knowing what his best one was.

I think the comparison to Forrest Gump is perhaps tenuous, but relative. Both the lead roles are limited in the way they can commuicate to people, and both are thrown into the most unlikliest of scenarios. However Gump has more discipline when it comes to its narrative. It's always grounded, either with his relationship to his mother, or to his love interest Jenny. Bad Boy Bubby doesn't have any of these touch stones to cling to, and people may argue that is part of the films charm, for me it suffered because of it. A strange watch, I'd be reticent to recommend a film like this to many people, but to the right people, this could be independent movie makings' finest hour.

Pointless trivia
Rolf de Heer wrote the screenplay on and off for 10 years before finally shooting it.

Tomato Meter - 83% (critics)

Tomato Meter - 88% (audience)

Peter Meter - 80%

VERDICT

Wow that was a long one wasn't it, still with me? I have watched a whole bunch of films this week that I will be reviewing when I get time. I'm even attending a premiere of The Kingsman next week in London, see! That's what you get for writing absolute bollocks for years for free. However this Saturday I'm off to Lakeside to see the Darts. Which reminds me of my favourite Essex girl joke. What is an Essex girl's favourite wine? 'I WANNA GO TO LAKESIDE'. That gag doesn't work in print, say it aloud and you'll get it. Anyway treat yourself to the clip I have provided of the very first 9 dart checkout done by John Lowe. So WATCH the DARTS and NOT Birdman OR Bad Boy Bubby.

An Officer and a Gentleman V First Knight

AN OFFICER AND A GENTLEMAN

Summary 

Gere decides to join the Navy to get away from his Dad who is played by Tom Hanks's boss in Big. In Big he was a loveable old man who champions Tom Hank's whacky ideas and jumps around on a floor piano. Here he plays a right twat.

Robert Loggia on the right.

He is such a good actor I had to google him to see if he is still alive. Not only is he still alive, he is still working well into his 80's. His name is Robert Loggia and he is a wonderful screen presence and deserves some props.

Now Officer and a Gentleman is effectively a film about a holiday romance. Gere and Gibson get it on knowing they have a 13 week window to cram in as much horizontal jogging as possible. Gere was without doubt one of the most visually striking leading men in his day, (some argue he still is) and in this film he is the best cadet in his class. However his character is flawed because he is a bit of a cold-hearted bastard. He has no respect for his authority and even calls his drill instructor (played by Louis Gossett Jr) a Mother Fucker! Louis Gossett Jr doesn't take too kindly to that and gives Gere a swift round house to the jacobs.

I GOT NOWHERE ELSE TO GO 

Gere does redeem himself when he helps out his team mate make it over the wall in the krypton factor assault course. The films climax is semi poignant now with the recent passing of Joe Cocker as Gere goes to sweep up Debra Winger in the factory to the sound of Where we Belong. It was very moving for me and I bet at the time of this release, there wasn't a dry vagina in the house. As a side note, I have worked in many factories in the course of my life. I've done steel, willow, alcohol, and even cereal bars. Let me tell you something for free, if Richard Gere rocked up to my factory and swept me up in his arms he would get zero protest from me.


Of course he wouldn't make it pass the front door these days without a high vis jacket. Health and Safety bollocks wasn't around in the early 80's apparently.

Pointless IMDB trivia

This script sat on the shelf for 8 years because the Navy didn't back it.

TOMATO METER 81% (critics)

TOMATO METER 81% (audience)

PETER METER 85% 

First Knight

 

Summary

Maid Marian - 'Lancelot is a man who fears nothing and has nothing to lose'. 

King Arthur - 'Lacnssshalot. I can schee you are man who fearssh nothing and hassh nothing to looshe'. 

Me - 'I fucking get it already, he has nowt and fears nowt, lets fucking move on please people'. 

I imagine that Gere in the 80 and 90's must have walked on to every film set and thought, 'Well I'm easily the best looking mother f*cker here.'  That little inner thought must have been on a loop for 20 fucking years. Gere makes no attempt to put on an English accent, and when he is not telling everyone how much of a loner he is, how he fears nothing, and has nothing to lose, he is unashamedly trying to "lance" Connery's misses.

Eventually Lady Guinevere yields to Gere's dreamy ways, and gets busted in the act by Connery. Connery really does only have himself to blame though. He marries a girl 3 times his junior, and invites a Calvin Klein model from a crowd of herberts to be on his round table. Which leads to one of my favourite clips of from the movie. WHYYYYYYY!! (below)

 

The sword play was terrible, the dialogue at times, utterly unforgivable, and had it not been for Connery coming in and showing Gere how to act, this could have been a First Knight to forget. (Thanks). But in truth the set pieces were handled well, it romps along and for some reason or other, I enjoy the shit out of this film.

Pointless IMDB Trivia 

Former James Bond director Terence Young was supposed to direct, but he died during early pre-production. It would have reunited him and James Bond actor Sean Connery after 30 years. Their last movie together was Thunderball.
 

TOMATO METER - 47% (critics)

TOMATO METER - 55% (critics)

PETER METER - 79%

VERDICT

First off a message to Andy the Sandwich man who gave me a DVD to watch and review. I'm sorry I couldn't convince the whole family to watch Bad Boy Bubby as it does involve torture and incest (albeit consensual incest). But its on the list buddy. I have no recommendations for you this week film wise, but I implore you to watch this montage of sexy bits from First Knight below. So WATCH the sexy bits of First Knight and NOT An Officer and a Gentleman OR First Knight.

Black Sea v The Fan

The Black Sea

Summary

Jude Law is a scot on a submarine. We learn through various flashbacks that his wife has left him for another man. My mate Paul said on the ride home 'Yeah what the film didn't tell you is that he was probably a c*nt of a husband'. He has a point, the flashbacks were entirely one sided.

Don't you just love a good Submarine film? Apart from U-571 that claimed the Yanks cracked the Enigma code. I'm sorry, I'm all up for artistic license but I'm not up for distorting historical truths for the sake of convenient narrative. The Black Sea is a grimy flick laden with oily grease and sweat. It will leave you feeling needing a good shower after with some heavy duty swarfega. Or as the greatest Scot of all would say, 'I need a schhower, a schhave, and the feel of a new scchuit.' - Connery, The Rock. The main conflict between Judes team pivots around a few tenuous plot devices that ultimately triggered my inner 'buuuuulshit alarm'. But there were some genuine moments of tension. Jude puts on a great accent and gets super-fucking mad at one point, he's much scarier in Scottish. The writer took a lot of shortcuts in this film and the dialogue certainly lacks the intensity of Crimson Tide (great mutiny clip included) and there is a knowing nod to The Italian Job (Gold on a cliff edge) but any heist film that doesn't tip the hat to The Italian Job,  can quite frankly, fuck off.

Tomato Meter - 81% (critics)

Tomato Meter - 61 (audience)

Peter Meter - 82%

THE FAN

Summary

The mercurial Wesley Snipes joins a new team for a considerable price. He immediately suffers a bit of a goal drought and is marginalized by the fans and his own team mates. He is then suspended for 5 games for a racist tweet. Wait sorry,.. I could be thinking of Balotelli....I am thinking of Balotelli. 

I first saw this in the cinema when I was bunking off college. Which is ironic really because if I spent more time in college and less time watching films like this I may have more important things to do with my time other than type up this kind of nonsense. This film doesn't amount to anything at all. It has no message, the and the last 20 minutes completely derails any of its good intentions. What this film wants to be is Falling Down. I certainly wanted it to be Falling Down. However I love the scene where Deniro takes his kid to the stadium, knocks him over as he goes for a crowd catch, then leaves him behind as he sneaks off for a business meeting. I can see myself doing the exact same thing someday. I have included the opening day scene.

Tomato Meter - 38% (critics)

Tomato Meter - 35% (audience)

Tomato Meter - 52%

VERDICT

Other things I've watched this week are 10 minutes of John Carter (what a mess), The Apprentice, 20 minutes of Man City V Roma. It was great to see the much maligned blag artist Daniel make it through to the interview stage. This is where they really sort the men out from the marines. So WATCH Daniel blag his way through to the final on The Apprentice, and NOT The Black Sea OR The Fan.

The Killing Fields V Interstellar (3rd viewing)

The Killing Fields

Summary

Set during the aftermath of the Vietnam war, a reporter for the Daily Sport goes to Cambodia with a team of topless models. Once there he witnesses the terrible human atrocities committed by Khmer Rouge and discovers quickly that this might not be the best backdrop for the wet t-shirt calendar of 76. 

I realise that this has been said a thousand times before about The Killing Fields, but the leading man Sam Waterstone is absolutely the spitting image of my mate Cenk. Here is a picture of my mate Cenk. 

My mate Cenk

And here is a picture of Sam Waterstone..

Sam Waterstone

UNCANNY.
This film has been hailed as one of the best from the 80's. Beating Full Metal Jacket, Ghostbusters and even Teenwolf in a recent GQ poll. No doubt the film looks stunning and is visceral, but where the film falls down is the 80's soundtrack. It sounds like a child experimenting with the sound effects section on his new casio keyboard. Fucking god-awful it is. If you don't believe me then give this 10 seconds and tell me that Mike Oldfield and the producers didn't have their heads in a bowl of coke at the time.

I don't want to hear the 80's excuse for this mess. Vangelis never had a problem with film scores during that time. Take Bladerunner for example, and the timeless Chariots of Fire theme. All the good cinematography, the performances and action set pieces amount for nothing as Mike Oldfield couldn't help but wipe his 80's testicles all over the bleedin film. I'm so angry at you Mike Oldfield.

Tomato Meter - 92% (critics)

Tomato Meter - 92% (audience)

Peter Meter - 35%

 INTERSTELLAR (3rd Viewing with Spoilers)

Summary

Michael Caine is a right tricky bastard in this. Not only that, he thinks he can solve the problem of gravity. I'm sorry Matt Mahogany, but if you fall for a line like that, then you only have yourself to blame. 

Caine - Bullshitter

A 3rd viewing of this film at the cinema, which puts it up there with Gravity and Dark Knight Rises for most repeat viewings at the picture-house. Luckily this film is so vast and involved that it takes at least 3 watches to wrap your head around some of the films ideas. On this watch I noticed they had lifted a line from Groundhog Day. When the first blyte storm hits the town, Mahogany clocks it in his rear view mirror and says 'Its a Doosy'. Of course that line was coined by Ned Ryerson when Murray sunk his heel in an icy puddle.

 

Tomato Meter - See 2 previous blogs. 

VERDICT

Other things I have watched this week; Homeland, Quantum of Solace, Star Wars; Attack of the Clones, The Apprentice, and Liverpool v Basel. It's a great time of year to buy second hand DVD's from charity shops and watch them whilst wrapping Chrimbo presents. On the list is First Knight, with Richard Gere. It contains some of the best exquisite acting from Sean Connery when he finds out Gere has been slipping his misses one. I have included the clip for your viewing, and aural pleasure. So WATCH Sean Connery losing his shit in First Knight, and NOT The Killing Fields OR Interstellar. 

 

@the_brooker

Get on Up v Interstellar (second viewing with spoilers)

GET ON UP

Summary

Chadwick Boseman plays James Brown in a story about his life. He sheds light on the artist who was known for his womanizing, who combated personal tragedy and over came drug abuse. He was blind as a bat but could always tell how fit the groupies were by feeling their wrists...wait...I might be thinking of Ray...I am thinking of Ray. Look that's only semi-racist. 

Apparently this script had been sitting on the shelf for ten years. James Brown got his hands on it and didn't rate it at all. That's understandable because he is depicted as an egotistical twat in this flick. He reputedly fined his own band for playing bum notes, he beat on his woman, and he swindled the tax man. But like I've been saying for a log time now, if you can sing, and you can dance, then all is forgiven. Case and point, Michael Jackson. Case and point, Chris Brown.

The films theme is mainly centered around his rise to fame and his personal relationship with life time friend and band member Bobby Byrd. It opens up with a great scene where James Brown is interrogating a group of clients with a shotgun asking 'who gone and laid a brick in my toilet'.

Where the film falls down is Dananananana ACKROYD's cartoon esque performance as Brown's manager. I'm a huge fan of Dananananana ACKROYD's, but he is not very good in this. There is Oscar talk for Chadwick however, and although he may get nominated, he won't win because the film is structurally all over the place.

Tomato Meter - 80% (critics)

Tomato Meter - 74% (audience)

Peter Meter - 82% 

Interstellar (second viewing with spoilers)

Summary

Matthew Mahogany is a farmer that knows morse code. I mean come on script writers of the world, lets start thinking this through shall we. 

I have never done a second review before but I saw Interstellar for the second time last night and thought I'd add a few more thoughts. I was emotionally more involved this time around for some reason. Perhaps because I wasn't trying to figure out the science and riddle-ridden dialogue. At one point Mahogany says to his robot counterpart 'Don't you get it Tars, we are thinking 3 dimensionally in their 5 dimensional world.' Fuck the guy who wrote that line. Also I noticed the characters aren't at all rounded and are just their for exposition. Did you give a shit when the beardy man got killed by the giant wave, or the dude got killed by Mat Damon's tricky time bomb?

NOOOOooo.
Also when Mahogany comes back, he doesn't even ask if his son is alive. Not once, and it isn't even mentioned. Also when he is trapped behind the bookcase giving out the morse code for quantum mechanics to Jessica Chastain, why didn't that message read; 'Help I'm behind the fucking bookcase, trapped in a black hole, go get someone. Also has Liverpool won the league since I was away?'

See previous blog for scores. 

VERDICT

My recommended viewing for this week has to be The Apprentice. Its like blinking crack that program and its coming to a head. I'm routing for Daniel because he is easily the biggest blag artist going with no discernible talent whatsoever So WATCH The Apprentice and NOT Get On Up OR Interstellar.

Nightcrawler V Interstellar

NIGHTCRAWLER

Summary

Jake Gyllenhaal, (you'll know him from films such as Source Code where he played a time traveling marine, and Brokeback Mountain where he played a rancher that turns Heath Ledger gay) plays Lou Bloom; a man who likes ironing and is attracted to women in their 60's.

This film was written by the same guy that wrote the Bourne Legacy and Freejack. Remember Freejack? Freejack starred Emilio Estevez who played a racing driver that gets killed on the track. However at the moment of the crash he gets magically transported into the future, the year 2009! There he fights Mick Jagger in a dystopian future in a race for immortality. It's quite easily one of the worst films ever made and what's more amazing is that everyone involved in the project went on to have fine careers. Anthony Hopkins, Bryan Cranston, even Rene Russo. 

A lot has been said already of Nightcrawler, that its a film that touches on Darwinism, survival of the fittest. Some say its a film that reflects the psychology of modern day journalism as media channels resort to sensationalism at the expense of the truth.  But I feel like we are all missing the point, and the real question is this, is it ok for me to fancy Rene Russo? She's 60!

Tomato Meter - (critics) 94%

Tomato Meter - (audience) 88%

Peter Meter - 84%

INTERSTELLAR

Plot Summary 

Interstellar features Matthew Mahogany as the best damn pilot there is. He is a maverick, a loose cannon, and after the death of his best friend Goose he quits the academy, wait a minute…

A quick tip before seeing this film. Take a good lengthy piss before heading into the theatre because the feature runs near 3 hours. Throw some adverts, trailers and a 2ltr pitcher of Coke into the mix and you’ll be bursting for the john just at the point when Michael Caine tells Matthew Mahogany that he can be his wingman anytime.

The film has all the typical Nolan traits of being ambitious, multi-layered and laden thick with a powerhouse score by Hans Zimmer. (His go-to guy it seems having collaborated with him on The Dark Knight and Inception). I’d say the films narrative doesn’t quite the discipline of his previous works. But that’s a minor criticism is that Interstellar has so much going on visually and emotionally. I say emotionally, that's been the consensus from other critics. I personally wasn’t emotionally involved with this flick, however I was rooting for the robot which provides the comic relief and generally kicks the most ass.

The film not only lends itself to Top Gun but I picked up a few other references. Look away if you don’t want any spoilers. Watch out for the Event Horizon scene when time travel and black holes are explained using a biro being threaded through a folded piece of paper. Look out for the Independence Day scene where the Brits go ‘A message from the Americans, its old morse code.’ But hey as it’s a film about time and space then let me say this; with the exceptions of vacuums, according to the laws of physics everything has its place. If you want to create something new, you must displace what is already there. (Or something like that). And this film certainly displaces everything else, Top Gun included.

Tomato Meter - (Critics) 78%

Tomato Meter - (Audience) - 87%

Peter Meter - 94%

VERDICT

I think it's important to realise just how crap Freejack was. As a wannabe writer myself I find it very inspiring that you can produce such a shit sandwich like Freejack and the industry will still green light your future scripts. So WATCH Freejack and NOT Nightcrawler OR Interstellar.

FREE JACK TRAILER

@the_brooker

Sin City 2 v The Expendables 3

The Expendables 3

Plot 

Gibbo goes nasty in this one. With a slither of Sly, a dusting of Dolph, a shower of Shwarz, a snippet of Snipes and a flicker of Ford.  


If you ever want to know how shitty Sylvester Stallone is as a screenwriter you only have to look at The Expendables 2. Van Damme was the antagonist and his name was Villain. His fucking name was Villain and he was a Villain! So when there's no explosions or gunplay going on the film suffers from a lot of crappy dialogue. With the exception of Arnie screaming 'Get to the chopper' and Ford telling Statham to 'Stop mumbling', the script is just astonishingly bad. There's even a moment in this film when Ronda Rousey, the MMA star turned actress, tells Stallone suggestively, 'if you were 30 years younger'. That would still make Sly roughly in his 40's and her in her 20's, so not at all inappropriate but hey, if you're writing the flick, you're entitled to take a flight of fancy. If you're wondering where Brucey is in this flick he got told to do one for demanding $4 million for four days work. Sly called him 'Greedy and lazy' and roped in Ford instead. This film kicks ass by the way and I loved it for its stupidity, it stunts, and Dolph gets in a tank. My only gripe is that the Gibbo-Sly fight scene was all over too quickly. Best of the franchise so far.
And whilst I'm here, here's my wish list for the cast of the 4th.

Carl Weathers, Bill Duke, Tom Cruise, Roger Moore, Nic Cage, Matt Damon, and maybe Walken. In fact of course Walken!

Tomato Meter - 34% (critics)
Tomato Meter - 52% (audience)
Peter Meter - 78% 

SIN CITY 2 A Dame to Kill For

Plot 

Jessica Alba plays a stripper that never gets them out, however Eva Green plays a rich dudes wife and gets them out in every scene. What the hell man?

Do you remember anything from the first one? Neither do I, but I had the feeling I enjoyed it at the time although I have never had any inclination to seek the flick out and watch it again. Didn't hear too many good things about this movie going in, but I had a day off and was passing the picture house so thought I'd catch the afternoon showing. The first ten minutes are amazing, and I haven't seen anything like this since the first Sin City. After that the novelty wears off big time. Of course it looks beautiful, and I'm not just talking about Eva Green whipping them out every five minutes. That novelty will NEVER wear off. But ultimately there is no jeopardy as everybody is very efficient at killing everyone else. There are a couple of storylines going on at the same time but none of them seem to interweave and although this only runs at 1hr and 40 mins, it felt really long and I couldn't wait to get out of there. 

Tomato Meter - 45% (critics)

Tomato Meter - 62% (audience)

Peter Meter - 37%

VERDICT

I also caught Tombstone the other day. Again another film that falls short sometimes of crappy dialogue. But the overall feel, the intensity of the acting and the story just blows you away. Everyone knows the Val Kilmer huckleberry sequence but no one talks about the amount of spitting that goes on. It's one of those things that I only like to see in westerns and not in real life or on football pitches. So I looked for a Tombstone spitting compilation but YouTube let me down. However there is one for The Outlaw Josey Wales. So enjoy this and WATCH The Outlaw Josey Wales and NOT The Expendables 3, and certainly NOT Sin City 2.